When Amen Loves Awoman – New Ways To Make Sense

How many ways can we add inclusive gender terms in our everyday lives? Do I need to trip a satire alert? Ok, this is satire, don’t shadow ban me, whatever that is.

Recently, a congressman prayed at the beginning of session. This now famous prayer ended with the ever-inclusive “Amen and Awoman.” Apparently this minister had no idea that this word, which means the same thing in Hebrew, Greek, Latin, English, and more, has nothing to do with gender. If he did have an idea, apparently he wants it to have something to do with gender.

Since he is a politician, it must be important! Therefore, this precedent must continue. We must do all that we can to add “a woman” to any instances of this travesty. With such a simple fix, the world can certainly be a better place, don’t you think? In keeping with such a heroic moment, we must seek out more opportunities like this to signal our own virtue-icity.

To be completely fair:

The chewy candy, with the quirky commercials, known as mentos, must forthwith be referred to as mentos and womentos… Which when you think of it, actually I do not want to think about it. I’m just not a feet person.

To promote unity:

The salty, squiggly noodle treat of recent college grads known as Ramen noodles must Be here to considered Ramen and Ra-women noodles. Why are these sounding gross when you say them outloud?

As a signal of our utter inclusiveness:

The viral ailment of the spine and brain known as meningitis must, from this day on, be officially named menin and womeningitis.

I realize to less woke people, these type of efforts can be a pain in the neck, but it’s the least we can do to right (and left) a wrong.

To be all heroic and brave:

All future references to the chocolate treat that melts in your mouth and not in your hands, M&Ms, shall include the names M&M and M-women-M’s. Yes, we can do that with the rapper’s name as well.

As this is no laughing matter, we must all work together in this important use of our time and effort, to stamp out these instances of exclusivity. The people of history were simply not as enlightened as we are now, whether they meant and woment to be or not.

If you have any suggestions on similar corrections of words, list them in the comments below and feel empowered.

Be blessed and keep smiling.

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